My Story
Two weeks after my 27th birthday, I found myself trying to figure out how to start my life over.
A few days prior, I knew where my life was going. I knew what my plans were. Looking back, was I happy? Nope. But I was doing what I was “supposed” to be doing.
On May 27, 2019, I celebrated my golden birthday. On May 31, I celebrated my 5-year wedding anniversary. Just a week or so later, the rug was pulled out from under me. I was lost.
And the question I kept coming back to was, “why am I not good enough?”
I spent the next several months staying as busy as possible. I worked three jobs and I coached volleyball and I made plans to fill every moment of every day. Because if I didn’t slow down enough to think, it couldn’t hurt. And I didn’t have to process the divorce.
Married at 22, divorced at 27.
All I could comprehend was the failure. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t enough, period. That’s what I had convinced myself.
And then March 2020 rolled around and I was finally forced to process everything because the world shut down. There was nowhere to go. There were no plans to make and no jobs to go to. I had to be alone with my thoughts.
I had to deal with my shit.
Four years later, I can confidently say that I am the happiest I've ever been. I know now that I could not have been this happy or lived this authentically in my marriage. Harsh, maybe, but true.
So what changed? I did.
In May 2020, I started therapy again. And in July 2020, I had my first astrology reading.
I recently found the notes I took during that first astrology reading in 2020. Honestly, it took a while for some of it to really sink in for me. But as I look back at that notebook, here’s what stands out to me.
When I’m not living as my best self, failure can be devastating. I seek the approval of others. I am indecisive, inconsistent, and impatient. Emotional bonds may be hard to maintain.
But when I’m living as my authentic self and cultivating the best version of me, I am articulate and adaptable. I provide loyalty and depth within relationships. I see challenges as opportunities.
I find joy in serving others. I am career focused with a desire to be the best I can be. My home life should be a source of emotional support and comfort. Independence and freedom are important to me. Meditation and alone time bring me joy and rejuvenation.
Basically, I was letting the low road version of myself run my life. I was busting my ass and in the process I was making myself miserable.
But the last line on that page of my notebook is the one that really blows my mind.
It simply states, “2022 will be monumental.”
And monumental it was.
In 2022, my life changed in nearly every way imaginable, all over again. I found myself with another new start - or a series of them.
But this time, I was intentionally creating change.
After living in the Madison area for most of my life, I (somewhat randomly) filled out an application for an apartment in Oconomowoc.
(I later had my astrocartography chart read and learned that Oconomowoc has much more favorable lines for me!)
I moved in July 2022. I had my very own space for the first time in my life. It was terrifying and unnerving at first. And then I fell in love with it.
I applied for grad school after putting it off and making excuses for years. I’m now more than halfway through my program and well on my way to my master’s in professional counseling.
I applied for a new job. I enjoyed my old job and loved my coworkers, but I was burnt out. In September 2022, I started a new job that is 80% remote and allows me so much work-life balance.
Truthfully, I went through some shit, emotionally, in 2022. But I came out of it stronger and with so much more clarity around who and what I want and need in my life.
I adopted my sweet rescue dog, Mocha, in November 2022. Best decision ever - no further explanation needed!
And in December 2022, my friend - the one who had done all of my astrology readings up to that point - approached me with an opportunity that ultimately led to me starting this business!
I’m still figuring things out every day. I am in no way here to tell you that I have all of the answers. And if anyone tells you that, they’re lying.
But what I have learned is that happiness is not about being in a relationship. It’s not about having a calendar full of plans. It’s not about having the most friends or about meeting others’ expectations of you.
Happiness is about honoring YOUR needs. It’s about filling YOUR cup. It’s about learning who you are and living in alignment with your most authentic self.
I started this business and I’m pursuing a degree in professional counseling because:
I want to help people find that happiness.
I want to encourage people to live authentically.
I want to empower others to take control of their lives.
And most of all, I don’t ever want anyone to feel like they are not enough.
I would be so honored to be part of your journey.
XOXO, Nicole
